Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
by Jack of All Games
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Our Price: $6.00
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Category: Video Games
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Product Summary
Brand: Lucky ChickenRelease Date: 2003-07-15
Platform: GameCube
Publisher: Jack of All Games
Accessories:
Video Game Reviews of Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Customer Review: God, my eyes, they burn.
Summary: 1 Stars
I will start off by saying that I am cheap when it comes to video games. $50? Hmm . . .two months later, it's $20! I saw this for fifteen dollars, brand new, on the shelves of a local retailer, and I thought to myself, "Why not? Can't be that bad."
OH . . .MY . . .GOD.
This game isn't bad. That would be like calling George W. Bush 'not the brightest'. This is how not to do it, plain and simple. Everything about this game is so horrible, so perfectly wrong, you cannot find any single adjective in the English language to describe it. Think of what would happen if ET: The Extraterrestrial for Atari (shudder, sob) had a love child with anything on the Atari JAGUAR (petit mal seizure). This would be it. The controls come in two categories: "pathetically simple", or "do I look like I have seven thumbs, you waste of silicon?"
The game goes like this: swim. Fight something. Swim. Defuse a few bombs. Swim. Fight something else. The cutscenes are rendered in comic book form, drawn by little Timmy Sutherland, age 3, of Swamp-rot, Louisiana. There are no voices, which is just as fortunate, because the VOs would probobly sound like the noises my computer makes before crashing rendered into words.
This game is the perfect example of the survival horror genre. If you make it past three minutes of subjecting yourself to this pure, unadulterated crap without commiting ritual suicide with the company letter opener, then you win. Burn the disk, and get a priest to cleanse your console of the evil you just ran through it. Rabbis work, too, I found out. Mazeltov, Aquaman. Don't ever do it again.
Description of Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis
Star as AQUAMAN, the DC comics superhero as you defend the city of Atlantis from the machinations of villains like Ocean Master, Black Manta and Lava Lord of Fire Trolls. Use your super powers and cybernetic hookhand to bring these ghastly gooks to justice in AQUAMAN: BATTLE FOR ATLANTIS.All Games
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